I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
