So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
