just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
