.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
