Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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