i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
