I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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