you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Operation Purity has been aborted
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
