i permit you to call me
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
