I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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