i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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