With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
