THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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