I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
