so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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