with your own penis?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
