I heard we made out
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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