If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
