You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
