i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
