Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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