he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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