we're chasing vodka with high fives
im six kinds of drunk right now
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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