the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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