i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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