every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
