I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
