You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
