I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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