Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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