no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
