how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
