I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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