Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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