I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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