STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
