Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
