also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
