i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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