Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You did what with his pubic hair?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
