Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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