Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
