he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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