All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
