Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
