i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Houston, we have a blender
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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