Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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