you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
