Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
