My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
